Five reasons why I think God hates me

Reason no 1: God made me a woman. I’ve noticed it’s bad to be a girl when I was about 10 and I wasn’t able to beat the s**t out of my little brother for being an ass anymore. You’d say it’s not such a big deal, right? So I’ve forgiven Him and tried to put his mistake behind me. Until I found out that women are supposed to go through hell’s torture (a.k.a. labor) to deliver babies…and men aren’t. Now I’m furious!

Update: Since I began writing this article, my socks were stolen from the dryer. I didn’t think anything of it, until I learned that my male neighbour still has all of his.

Reason no 2: God created this and this. By the way, my vote for painful obliteration, Almighty.

Reason no 3: God made chocolate so f*cking delicious and yet so full of calories. In fact, when something…anything on this planet is delicious it’s never a good sign.

Reason no 4: God refused my request of lightning strike people who tell me “I told you so”. I mean…hellooooo…lightnings exist for a reason, and I think I’ve figured it out, so why won’t You listen?

Reason no.5: God only sends me on dates with weirdos. I know You are single for about….a billion years, Lord, but You must remember SOMETHING about dating!