Cold hard bitch

My goal in life is to party with Flo from Wawa. And if you don’t know Flo from Wawa…well….you’re just not that cool. Anybody who’s anybody knows (and loves) Flo. She’s this amazing goddess who serves us large Wawa iced coffee every morning and tuna hoagies for lunch, with such grace and beauty, that New Jersey has a crush on her since she was 20. Now she’s 70 and rocks. No, I’m not crazy, you just can not understand the power of FLO.

So this post is for you, Flo, we are all mad about you and would like to ask you pretty please to switch your nametag back to “Flo”. Cuz “Florence” sounds…weird…and pisses us off. I personaly, almost cried when I went in there and saw the new nametag. Who ever calls you “Florence”, anyway?

Oh, and don’t forget you promissed taking a night off from Wawa and come party with us. We’re still waiting, babe, don’t dissapoint us, you know you love us. Oh, and by the way, it was NOT cool of you to celebrate your b-day on the 16th of july without us. Dude! Your birthday, how could you NOT invite us over for free booze? We even bought a birthday cake and everything. Nevermind, next year we’ll party on the beach. We already bought fireworks for midnight.

Spring break motherfuckers!!!

I am so not sober for the rest of tonight

and probably tomorrow..

Chemically incovienenced

La ce varsta nu mai este ok sa iesi cu prietenii, sa te imbeti ca oaia, sa-i spui o adresa gresita taximetristului si sa ajungi in the middle of nowhere, sa cauti alt taxi cand iti amintesti adresa corecta a locuintei tale, sa te clatini in timp ce urci scarile pana la apartament, sa-ti dai jos jumatate din haine in fata usii si a doua jumatate atunci cand ajungi cu adevarat in dormitor, sa te impiedici de hainele aruncate pe jos in drum spre baie, sa vomiti lucruri pe care le-ai mancat sambata trecuta, sa lesini half-naked pe pat si sa te trezesti tinand in mana cheile si portofelul de parca esti pe cale sa iesi in oras?

Thirty you say?

Oh good.

Love me, feed me, never leave me

This is you, doing exactly what I’ve asked you not to, while I’m studying for my exams and I can’t watch over you. The bathroom floor was flawless and you had no right to get yourself drunk as a fish and make a mess for me in there. And guess what? This time I have a picture of yourself as proof.

You know, I can not understand you. I DID promise you I’ll get you those crispy strips you like and those cigars you love, but you can’t buy because you’re underage, remember? But NOOOO…..you just COULDN’T help yourself, could you?

Just imagine my uter-surprise when I woke up at 3 o’clock in the morning and saw you like that. You mister, can consider yourself lucky that the Holy Spirit came upon me and made me forgive you, so I forgive you for being an asshole and a douchebag with sweet eyes and an adorable nose.