Five reasons why I think God hates me

Reason no 1: God made me a woman. I’ve noticed it’s bad to be a girl when I was about 10 and I wasn’t able to beat the s**t out of my little brother for being an ass anymore. You’d say it’s not such a big deal, right? So I’ve forgiven Him and tried to put his mistake behind me. Until I found out that women are supposed to go through hell’s torture (a.k.a. labor) to deliver babies…and men aren’t. Now I’m furious!

Update: Since I began writing this article, my socks were stolen from the dryer. I didn’t think anything of it, until I learned that my male neighbour still has all of his.

Reason no 2: God created this and this. By the way, my vote for painful obliteration, Almighty.

Reason no 3: God made chocolate so f*cking delicious and yet so full of calories. In fact, when something…anything on this planet is delicious it’s never a good sign.

Reason no 4: God refused my request of lightning strike people who tell me “I told you so”. I mean…hellooooo…lightnings exist for a reason, and I think I’ve figured it out, so why won’t You listen?

Reason no.5: God only sends me on dates with weirdos. I know You are single for about….a billion years, Lord, but You must remember SOMETHING about dating!

Things That Annoy the Living Fuck Out of Me

1. Sa fiu obligata sa-mi umplu portofelul de bonuri si maruntis (sau chiar mai rau, de “gumitze”) cand primesc rest.

2. Oamenii care aud o expresie noua care li se pare “cool” si incearca sa o incadreze in orice conversatie.

3. Oamenii care imi dau sfaturi nesolicitate-umm…mersi pentru analiza psihologica gratuita, dar incearca sa traiesti in capul meu 5 minute, IT’S MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT!

4. Cand am ceva intre dinti si nimeni nu se oboseste sa-mi spuna.

5. People who complain but never ever ever ever do anything about it.

6. Paris Hilton.

7. Oamenii care se iau prea in serios.

8. Oamenii care repeta aceeasi rutina autodistructiva over and over again, dupa care se intreaba de ce le merge totul atat de prost.

9. Majoritatea profesorilor.

10. Ca premierul Romaniei nu foloseste corect acuzativul.

11. Francezii.

12. Cand baza tocurilor mele se toceste si ajung sa faca un sunet metalic in timp ce eu incerc sa fiu sexi.

13. Ca am un calculator care mi se strica doar atunci cand am cea mai mare nevoie de el.

14. Sa intreb “De ce?” si sa mi se raspunda “Ca asa am hotarat eu si nu ai ce face in privinta asta”.

15. Si desigur, sa merg la sala si sa dau peste “fostul”.

Mr and Mrs Originality

Cat de originali sunt zoso si domnisoara “de ce urasc barbatii”? FOARTE. Atat de originali, incat au postat amandoi , in aceeasi zi, acelasi subiect,iar acum se afla in plin razboi pentru drepturile de autor. Sau cel putin domnisoara “what’s her name” este. Pentru ca are o impresie atat de buna despre creierul ei, incat nu accepta ideea ca alt creier ar fi putut gandi acelasi lucru in acelasi timp.

NewsFlash! Subiectul “barbatii sunt brainless si femeile sunt-oh!-niste ganditoare” este vechi ca istoria, intors pe toate partile si vazut din toate unghiurile de tot felul de oameni. Am citit nenumarate post-uri exact pe aceeasi tema si l-am auzit chiar si pe Jay Leno facand aproximativ… UN MILIARD de glume pe acelasi subiect. So guys, niciunul din voi doi nu a fost original, dar macar zoso nu se lauda ca ar fi fost. Singura care-si pune singura laurii pe cap si se umfla in pene este domnisoara care uraste barbatii. (probabil pentru ca inca nu a cunoscut unul).